The last few weeks have been a little bananas around here. You see, I have this job that I never talk about on the blog {for privacy reasons and because it’s boring} in addition to maintaining my blog, editing DailyBuzz Moms and being a stay-at-home mom. The job I don’t talk about has been eating up a LOT of time lately, all while the rest of my responsibilities have remained the same or been more demanding than usual. I’m not telling you this to garner sympathy. I’m just setting the stage. I’ve basically been a crazy person, unable to get dinner on the table most days and feeling stressed and exhausted all of the time.
While all of this has been going on, our dear friends Rachel and Will lost their sweet baby boy Charlie due to complications from a rare genetic disorder. After 16 months of challenges, his little body finally decided it was time to rest.
While I was sitting at Charlie’s funeral two weeks ago, so many thoughts flooded my mind. First and foremost was just how short and precious life is and what amazing parents Rachel and Will have been to Charlie. I also couldn’t help but think of my grandmother.
She was herself a baby born into this world with complications. It was 1929. Her mother was older and ended up with an infection, necessitating early induction of labor, with the ultimate goal most likely being that of saving the mother’s life. Instead, my grandmother, the premature 3-pound baby, survived. The story goes that my great-grandmother held my grandma in her arms and laughed that she could have had a baby so late in life. She passed away just a few short hours after the birth, leaving my grandmother without a mother. That has forever shaped my grandma and who she has become, a loving mother and grandmother devoted to her family and the well-being of everyone she knows.
Left: My great-grandparents’ wedding photo. Right: My grandma’s high school graduation photo.
Here is the crazy part of the story. Will is a doctor. His father was a doctor. His father before him was a doctor, the same doctor who attended to my grandmother’s birth.
And so, sitting at the funeral of a baby who should have been dealt a better hand, I couldn’t help but think of my grandmother. I am beyond grateful that that tiny premature baby from long-ago rural Idaho survived and that Will’s grandfather was a part of that. And I can’t help but wonder why beautiful, red-headed Charlie had to leave this life so soon. Life is not fair, but it is beautiful. Even though one baby’s life was cut short and another’s grew into adulthood, both lives touched others and made the world a better place. And watching Rachel and Will go through this experience, while beyond heartbreaking, has also been truly beautiful and inspiring. They are choice parents.
I’ll never forget when Rachel first had Charlie. She and Will are both ivy league-educated, go-getter types doing amazing things. Rachel has a quick mind and a kind heart and I just love everything about her. But when she had Charlie, I gained insight into a whole different aspect of who Rachel is. On one night in particular, Rachel was sitting in my kitchen, cradling newborn Charlie in her arms. She was completely enraptured by him, oblivious to any of us, a smile spread across her face. It was a quiet, beautiful moment that has forever been imprinted in my mind. Motherhood brought out a side of Rachel that I had not seen…at least not at that level. Words can’t truly explain what that ‘side’ is or how it changes a person. It just is.
So how does this all link back to my over-worked, now seemingly-frivolous schedule? When I am overwhelmed by work, the thing I get most frustrated with is that I don’t get to be the mom I want to be. I simply don’t have time to do all the things with my sweet children that I wish I could. I know in the back of my mind they are fine and happy and that “this too shall pass,” but it doesn’t change the “bummed-outness” that I feel. But then I think of Rachel, Will and Charlie and remind myself I need to savor every moment as much as I can and not let the stress get the better of me because, in the grand scheme of things, none of that stressful stuff really matters.
As all of these thoughts have been tumbling about in my crazed brain, I’ve been feeling like I want to write them down, but not really knowing what the thoughts were entirely or how they all connected. Then today my friend Natalee sent a link to a a really lovely blog post about motherhood, our expectations and the things that our children are truly needing from us. It made me laugh, it made me think, and it made me tear up a little, too. It was just what I needed right now.
Here’s the thing. None of us is perfect. Things rarely go as planned and sometimes go where we would never wish them to go. And life is always too short. All we can do is embrace the moments, big and small, that come into our lives, the moments that connect us with others and make it all worthwhile. And if that means we have to eat out again, so be it. At least we’re here, eating together, and that’s all that matters in the end.
Hello! My name is Jane Maynard and you've landed yourself on my blog, This Week for Dinner™. Every Sunday I share a weekly menu...and then count on you to share your own! You'll also find other deliciousness that I hope you'll enjoy!
